Rogue (fieryrogue) wrote in boho_obsessed,
Rogue
fieryrogue
boho_obsessed

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Lady Marmalade, (Moulin Rouge), by Bobbie

Damn, watching Moulin Rouge last night made me want to do this. It's been so long! And for some reason, my dialogue parts get longer and longer. Meh.


(A spotlight comes up center stage. EWAN MCGREGOR, dressed in "the Argentinian's best suit", enters L.)

EWAN: Where the hell am I?

(He looks about him, fumbling with his top hat.)

EWAN: And what am I wearing?

(A moment later ADAM enters L. He's running, headed for exiting R. He stops short as he passes EWAN.)

ADAM: Where did you come from? Hey, you're Ewan McGregor!

EWAN: Yes. (He drops his hat and picks it up again.) I, uh... I have no idea what I'm doing here. Something in the back of my mind is shouting "Poetry Reading!" but I haven't a clue as to what that means.

ADAM: Oh shit.

(Just then ANTHONY is running in L, and stops short of the boys.)

ANTHONY: Adam, we've got to get going, the girls are -- oh, hello. (He smiles brightly at EWAN.)

ADAM: Anthony, we have a problem. Ewan's here for a... poetry reading.

(ANTHONY's eyes go wide.)

ANTHONY: Shit!

ADAM: That's what I said.

EWAN: What? What's going on?

ANTHONY: No time to explain, you've got to get out of here before you get trapped. Trust us.

EWAN: Trapped? What? I demand an explanation before I budge another inch!

ADAM: What do you think Anthony? I think the only way he can get out is to jump straight off the front of the stage. It's too late for us, but maybe if he breaks the fourth wall he'll be saved.

ANTHONY: Good plan. Go on, Ewan, get out of here. Go that way. (He points off towards the audience. EWAN won't budge.)

ADAM: Ewan, you have to trust us.

(He eyes ANTHONY. They simutaneously hook EWAN's arms and try to drag him to the front of the stage, EWAN squirming the whole time. They make it to the very edge.)

EWAN: Boys, please... I... stop! That tickles! I... (pauses, then spontaneously singing) My gift is my song!

ADAM & ANTHONY: (they drop EWAN to the floor) SHIT!

EWAN: (is getting up and dusting himself off) What just happened?!

ADAM: He's stuck.

ANTHONY: You're stuck. Look, these crazy girls will more than likely be along any second and I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to rape you.

EWAN: (drops hat again) WHAT?!?

(The GIRLS enter R., dressed Moulin Rouge style, chattering and strangely off-guard.)

SARAH: Dude, I'm tellin' ya, that's what we should do.

ANDREA: Yeah, but what about -- (stopping short, the other girls bump into one another as they all stop too) EWAN!

ADAM & ANTHONY: RUN! (they take off, but EWAN is surrounded too soon)

DANIELLE: (devious)Welcome, Ewan.

EWAN: (surrounded, whimpers)

(Lady Marmalade)

AMBER:
Where’s all my soul sisters
Let me hear ya’ll flow sisters

GIRLS: (swarming)
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister

BOBBIE:
I see that you've come to join in the fun
Struttin’ your stuff on the street
I say, "Hello, hey Ew, you wanna give it a go?"
(she smacks his ass, he jumps)

GIRLS:
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here
Smooth talkin' Scottish ya ya
Sexy Ewan McGregor

AMBER:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

DANIELLE: (butts in in front of her)
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

ANDREA:
In case that you haven't already found out
We are obsessed with all you boys
Your entrance is timely
We'll have you for our toys

GIRLS:
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here
Hey boy, what's that under your kilt? (their hands are all over him on this line)
Sexy Ewan McGregor

SARAH:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

BOBBIE:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

AMBER:
We come through with the ropes and boudoir keys
We'll take you upstairs
If you know what I mean

DANIELLE:
We're appreciative women, some mistakes us for whores
Just because we wanna get you behind locked doors

EWAN:
I'm confused and for that I am sorry
Y'all a bit frightening, I'm beginning to worry
All I know, these girls seem to be
Five bad ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge

ANDREA:
Hey sisters, soul sisters
Gotta get this boy, sisters

BOBBIE:
Hey Ew, you got a hot little ass
In a suit, so cute, nothing else would do
You wanna gitchie, gitchie, ya ya?
Besides homos I got a thing for

GIRLS:
Sexy Singing Highland Men

Highland Men
Ewan McGregor
Scottish Boy

SARAH:
Take my hand, there's no need to fear
We just want to love you is all
Make the savage beasts inside roar until we cry
More (more) more (more) more (more)

GIRLS:
You sang so now you are prisoner here
But the choice is up to you
Run with the boys or just give in to us
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)

Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here
Trust us, we are perfectly harmless
Love us Ewan McGregor

(swarmlike again)

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

Andrea
Spam
Bobbie Jo
Sarah
Danielle, baby
We love you
No need to fear

We're only violent if we have to be, yes

(Music ends, lights go down, girls vanish. Lights come up on EWAN, who has unbuttoned the top of his shirt and is sitting on the floor, hair a mess.)

EWAN: (reaching for his hat, in a small voice) Save me.
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